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Saturday, February 6, 2010

Marvel Heartbreakers (One-Shot) #1 (Marvel)

"It was a drunk and stormy night . . ."~the narrator.

Comic-book week February 3, 2010.

So last week, I said I would try to review a Marvel book, and that the last Marvel book I really enjoyed was ♥ Nextwave, Agents of Hate ♥(by Stuart Immonen and Warren Ellis, btw).

Sure enough, this week, out of nowhere, I find Marvel Heartbreakers, a one-shot with Tabby Smith (Boom-Boom) of Nextwave on the cover. I flip it open and see artwork that looks suspiciously like the aforementioned M. Immonen, written by his wife, Kathryn. I think awesome.

I bought it.


Okay, it's not that bad, but really, is this honestly what Marvel thinks of women?

The book contains 4 stories, that I could review separately, but I think an average rank is only going to help this patchwork mess.

The cover is by Mike Del Mundo and is kind of fun........it did pull me into buying the book. ~:-(

The first story is a Spider-man/Gwen Stacey/Mary-Jane Watson story, "A Chemical Romance" by Kathryn Immonen (writer), Elena Casagrande (artist), Nathan Fairbairn (colorist), and Jeff Eckleberry (letterer). The story's the strongest of the 4, with a flashback tale of the Marvel 616 (the "normal" universe, not the "ultimate" universe) Gwen Stacey and Peter Parker in university, into which Mary-Jane somehow wanders (not that I'm complaining........I'm on the MJ side of the cart--and this story reminds me why Gwen's kind of boring.........NOT DESERVING-TO-DIE BORING, just boring). Actually, none of the 3 characters really show up much, as 2 airheaded bimbos (trust me, I'm being generous) steal Gwen's chemistry notes and cake recipe and create artificial life............what?....................(oh! & the art is decent, but only looks like Stuart Immonen if you don't look closely.)

The second story is "Tabitha Smith & Elsa Bloodstone in: Super Boys! [sic]" by Rick Spears (writer), James Callahan (artist), Nathan Fairbairn (colorist), and Dave Sharpe (letterer). It's the lovely ladies of Nextwave talking about boys in the woods and then blowing up Frankenstein's monster. Yep. That's it. The art's kind of rough but serviceable. The writing's.........well, let's just say Rick Spears doesn't have a great handle on writing a teenage girl. And unfortunately, Tabby & Elsa are supposed to be adult women.

The third story is a Dazzler/Beast story entitled appropriately enough, "Beauty & The Beast: An Epilogue". It seems to take place back in history sometime around when the Beast, Angel, and Iceman were in the Defenders, probably just about to form X-Factor. The story are Hank (the Beast) and Alison (Dazzler) discussing their past relationship.........which I have to admit I didn't know existed. So I googled it and I'm not sure it did, and really not sure it would have been in the past of when this story took place. Once again, the art is serviceable, but why is Beast bouncing around while carrying on an intimate conversation? And where is Dazzler picking up sound waves to generate light, when she and Beast are alone in a room not talking or moving?

The final story is a Snowbird (who even remembers Snowbird from Alpha Flight?.......she was killed even before killing Alpha Flight became the in thing to do!) vehicle called, "Animalia" by Karl Bollers (writer), Harvey Tolibao (artist), Emily Warren (colorist), and Troy Peteri (letterer). Snowbird (let me just say that what little I know of this character I generally like) whines about her love life then kills some evil gods after a lovers quarrel. Or at least I think that's what happened since the artwork is a little muddy.

There's a final pinup by Lara West and Emily Warren depicting the ladies from all the stories. It's cute but, personally, there strikes me as way too much cleavage for the target audience ♀.

So overall it looks like Marvel was trying to take some stock stories and capitalize on the success of Marvel Divas; Model's, Inc.; and Girl Comics. Sadly, Marvel forgot the first two haven't been that successful and the last hasn't come out yet (although I do look forward to it!).

So, for Tabby Kat..........

Rating: 5 "Tick-Tick-Boom"s! out of 10

I actually read Siege #2 this week too, and it was better than this book, but not enough to make me feel guilty about not reviewing it! The first issue of the BTVS "Twilight" arc, though, was AWESOME!!! X-D! I'll review the whole arc together when it's over, I think. :-<>

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